


Perfect

by Lonelylilravenclaw



Series: ATYD Withdrawal fics [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Homophobic family, Lupin calms Black down, M/M, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, please be kind to yourselves, song: perfect (P!nk)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:14:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28980192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonelylilravenclaw/pseuds/Lonelylilravenclaw
Summary: Pretty, pretty pleaseDon't you ever, ever feelLike you're less thanLess than perfectPretty, pretty pleaseIf you ever, ever feelLike you're nothingYou are perfectTo meAfter Sirius is disowned, Remus helps him see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: ATYD Withdrawal fics [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101017
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Perfect

**A/n: if you'd like to hear _Perfect_ by P!NK, which this fic is based on, you can do that on YouTube [here](https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=perfect+pink+lyrics&view=detail&mid=9E79AC09472E7E06E47D9E79AC09472E7E06E47D&FORM=VIRE0&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dperfect%2bpink%2blyrics%26cvid%3d196d68d0008b47ecb0ecf3007fe27948%26pglt%3d43%26FORM%3dANNTA1%26DAF0%3d1%26PC%3dU531)**

-

Sirius Black was missing, and nobody seemed to care.

Well, Remus cared, but no-one seemed to even consider that something might be wrong. Or, if they did, they were convincing themselves that Sirius would be fine, he needed space, he'd _been through a traumatic experience that we don't understand._ Sirius had turned up at the Potters' that summer, refusing to tell them anything until he'd confessed to James that he'd run away and been burned off the tapestry. It didn't seem to occur to anyone that Sirius might not want space, he might want people, after being at Grimmauld Place. He might feel alone. But James insisted Sirius needed space, and so they let Sirius be wherever he was, without interruption.

However, it was now 11pm and Sirius hadn't even sent them an owl (a habit he'd begun in fourth year, when he started going out with girls. He'd send an owl to say not to expect him back that night - James had always returned it with _use protection!_ ). James' eyebrows were pushed together in a concerned frown as he looked at Sirius' empty bed, but hadn't said anything.

"I'm going to find him," Remus announced. Peter and James turned to look at him.

"I don't know whether that's a good idea-" James hesitated, but shrugged and handed Remus the Map and Cloak. "Whatever. Don't get caught. Don't get murdered. Don't force Sirius, he's still recovering, OK?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "I know, I know. Nightmares, remember?"

James seemed to pick up on the undertone - _I've dealt with this before_ \- and smiled weakly. "Don't put yourself last, either."

Remus smiled. "Alright." He waved at Peter who had stayed silent through the whole exchange, before stepping into the common room. He opened the map - "I solemnly swear I am up to no good" - and scanned it expertly for _Sirius Black._ He crush came in useful sometimes. A chill ran through him when he saw where his best friend was. 

The Astronomy Tower.

-

Remus took the wrong turning twice, as the corridors all blurred together in a haze of panic and fear. When he finally reached the top of the Tower, it was to see Sirius sat on the windowsill, black hair blowing in the wind, cheekbones catching the light just so. Beautiful, even in the darkest place.

"Pads?" Remus said tentatively. He threw off the Cloak, and stepped forward so as not to scare Sirius into falling off the Tower. 

"Could be like sleeping," Sirius mused. "Sleeping means nightmares. Do you think there's nightmares in the afterlife?"

"I don't know if there is an afterlife, Siri. Maybe there'll be nothing, you know? You just won't exist."

"Non-existent. No more trouble. No more - no more Regulus. And no more Mother and Father."

"Well, you'll be non-existent. But I'll still be here, and James, and Peter, and we'll be broken inside."

"Like-like-"

"Not like you, Pads." Remus reached the windowsill, and sat next to Sirius. Their shoulders touched, and - there it was. The electricity that only Remus could feel. "You're not broken. Maybe you're sad, but the world won't be better without you."

"I didn't run away, you know. They found out about me."

"Your family found out? What did they find?"

Sirius took a sharp breath in. "I'm gay. And so I won't have kids, and I guess it was . . . the last straw. Blood traitor Gryffindor who's also gay? Too much."

Remus reached for Sirius' hand. "Gay is cool, though."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is. My dad tried to say it wasn't, but he's wrong. We're so cool. We're unique."

"We?"

"Yeah. We."

Sirius shifted a little so he was facing Remus now. "You too?"

Remus did his best to smile. "Me too," he confirmed. "And I'm not going to manage very well if it's suddenly just me, am I?"

"But you're so . . . you're you. You're amazing, and smart, and I'm just someone who blows things up for attention."

"You're so much more than that, Pads. You're someone who got all O's in their OWLs. You're someone who hugs Prongs even when he's just failed again at asking Lily out. Someone who tells Peter he's smart, even if he kinda isn't. Someone who spends all their time with their friends, and makes everyone's days so much better. You are so _perfect_ , Siri."

Sirius shook his head. "You've got a way with words, Moony. I'm not as great as any of that, but . . . nice sentiment, I guess."

Remus sighed. "Can we get off of this windowsill? I don't like heights."

Sirius nodded, taking one last look at the ground below. He jumped off the windowsill onto the floor, littered with star charts. He held out a hand to Remus.

"You know what would really annoy my parents?"

"What?"

"If I were to kiss a half-blood male werewolf."

"You know what?"

"What?"

"I think it would, too."

**Author's Note:**

> Hi loves -  
> I hope this didn't hurt anyone. Always be kind to yourselves. I kind of wrote this because it's what I wish I had when I was at a low point in my life. If anyone needs to talk, I'm always available for you.
> 
> M xxxx
> 
> p.s. come find me on Tumblr @lonelylilravenclaw


End file.
